Why Manifesting Is A Load Of Shit & How To Really Get What You Want From Life

manifesting realists Jun 10, 2022
Why Manifesting Is A Load Of Shit And How To Really Get What You Want From Life by Emily Chadbourne

I used to think that manifesting was a load of wank. Some hippy woo-woo nonsense that some con-artists packaged up like a magic pill and sold to people who didn’t want to take charge of their own lives.  And I still believe this to some extent.

Manifested” a car park right outside the take-away Chinese? It’s called luck mate.

Talking about a friend just as she calls your mobile? Coincidence hun!

Found the man of your dreams the day after you deleted your Tinder account? It’s because you stopped acting like a mental, desperate man-eating lunatic.

The reason for my cynicism is founded.

I was 32 and waiting tables for a living when I first heard about this concept of manifestation. I was pretty depressed with how my life had turned out and with nothing to lose, I thought I’d give manifesting a bash.

So I started wishing I wasn’t thousands of $$ in debt.

I sat at home thinking about the Brad Pitt body double who was going to make me feel less lonely.

And I fanaticised about walking into the restaurant where I worked and telling my boss to shove his job up his arse because just like Rachel from friends, I’d glided into a high powered, high profile job in fashhhhon with zero experience and fabulous hair.

Funnily enough, none of this happened. And so I bagged out manifestation to anyone who’d listen (which wasn’t many people because I really wasn’t worth listening to at the time, unless of course you wanted to be bummed out).

A couple of years later, with the dawning realisation that no one was going to come and rescue my sorry arse, I gave myself a huge dose of responsibility and got my shit together which saw me drastically change my mindset and my daily habits and start my own business, but I still had a bitter taste in my mouth when it came to the concept of manifestation. I had been sold a quick fix that didn’t work and I was pissed about it.

Then about 18 months ago, I began to notice more and more that I was being presented with the people, experiences, circumstances and opportunities which were propelling me even more to the future I desired.

So I upped my game.

And started aiming higher.

And asking for more.

And even more shit fell into place.

It was weird.

And that’s when I began to open my mind again to the idea of manifestation except this time, I had changed.

I was no longer looking for the quick easy way out, I was willing to do the work.

I wasn’t blaming others for my results, I was taking full responsibility for myself, basically, I wasn’t a little brat anymore.

And this time, everything was different.

But it wasn’t easy.

Sure my dreams became reality, I was smashing business goals left right and centre and life became less of a struggle – but not every day because I’m a bloody human and life is undeniably fucking hard – manifestation doesn’t protect you from heartbreak or death & grief or business failure – all things I faced last year alone.

Yes I ‘called in’ more money – but not because I wrote a number down on a piece of sodding paper twice a day and chanted to the bloody moon.

Yes I now have a life full of travel, freedom, connection, love, success, purpose and sure on days it really does feel like magic but it’s not and I’m not content to assume or pretend like it is.

You see I’m a creature of science.

I wanna know how.

And why.

I want proof and structure.

And I want the real system to deliver real results for people living in the real world.

So when pieces started falling into place (when I saw proof that on some level, I was actually manifesting my desires) I went to work to find out how and today, assuming you’re not a little brat (unlikely if you’re reading this), I’m going to share with you my 5 Step Manifesting Process For Realists. This process is at the heart of everything I teach my clients and is responsible for the life changing results they achieve by working with me.

Step One

The first step sounds simple because it is. Set a clear intention.

You’ve gotta be clear on what you want and start languageing what you want.

“In order for things to change you have to see them as you want them to be rather than continuing to observe them as they are.”

— Abraham Hicks

Back in the day when I first tried my hand at manifestation all I could do was tell you what I didn’t want. I didn’t want debt, didn’t want to be lonely, didn’t want to be a waitress. The problem with concentrating on what you don’t want is that all you’ll focus on (and so attract) is more of the same.

Let me put it like this.

Don’t think about debt.

Now, what are you thinking about?

Is it, by any chance, debt?

Here’s the thing, when I ask you not to think about debt and you think about debt, you’ll feel the feelings associated with debt, like panic and scarcity and lack.

Now, this is important because the universe doesn’t really give a shit about what you say, but it understands how you feel.

Sciency bit coming up!

We’re all balls of vibration.

Every atom of our being is vibrating at a certain frequency and we can see this with our own eyes under a powerful enough microscope. Our feelings (amongst other things) will change the frequency at which we vibrate. So feelings of fear like lack, shame, apathy and anger are low vibrations and feelings of love like abundance, acceptance, joy and peace are high vibrations. Science also proves that like frequencies attract like frequencies; if you are vibing low in fear you’ll attract other people, experiences, circumstances and ops which match that fear. And it’s more than this, you’ll also ACT from those emotions.

For example, if you’re vibing at emotions of love, you’re more likely to take chances, show up with confidence and take responsibility and these two things (what you attract and how you act) will ultimately manifest as your reality.

Step 2

As much as possible, you want to be feeling today, how you want to feel as a result of your intention manifesting.

How do we do this?

Well, we remember step one and stop focusing on things like scarcity and loneliness. Instead we look for the areas in our lives where we’re abundant and connected and we focus on that. Short story, be fucking grateful.

Step 3

Step number 3 is in my mind, the most important and it’s often the one that lots of coaches don’t really talk about much because it’s the bit lots of people don’t want to do.

But I’m not most coaches.

So here it is.

You’ve got to take massive fucking action. Daily.

You cannot sit on your arse like the film The Secret would have you believe and just think happy thoughts and expect your dream life to rock up at your front door like a mother fucking eBay package.

If I could make that happen for you I’d be richer than Oprah.

You have to take the action first, the universe will follow but unless you’re willing to change what you’re doing, life will stay the same. And if you don’t wanna hear it from this coach, hear it from this one!

“The path to success is to take massive determined actions”

— Tony Robbins

Now lots of people are too wrapped up in their own fear or their own self-doubt to take the action they really need to, fuck I know I was and even now I still have days when I shit myself at the things I need to do to make my dreams a reality.

Step 4

And this is where step 4 comes in.

You gotta release something.

It might be the crappy belief you have that you don’t deserve love. Or that making money is hard.

It could be a fear that you’ll be rejected, or you’ll try something and it won’t work out. It could be a behaviour you need to release, like sitting on the sofa watching crap on TV or spending money on frivolous things instead of your own personal development.

Honestly, it’s actually all three of those things.

Beliefs, fears, behaviours – they make up your reality and they’re what need to change for you to manifest the life of your dreams.

Step 5

The fifth and final step is to surrender.

Again this step is so often overlooked by mainstream practitioners because people like to offer quick easy fixes and this steps means you have to relinquish the need to have things now.

Also referred to as the universal law of detachment by those who are really in the know, it basically means you can’t get too worked up about how or when your intention or desire will come to you.


Well the universe is a funny little fucker, and often gives us what we need over what we want.

Again, why?

So we can become the person we need to be to have what we want to have. And this can take time and it means our intentions and desires come in ways we wouldn’t expect. If we have our blinkers on and get impatient, we’ll miss the lessons and the opportunities that the universe provides.

This step is the difference between hope and faith.

Hope is wanting something to happen.

Faith is knowing it will.

And this is a practice, it involves doing the work on yourself, your mindset and learning more about the 5 steps I’ve just shared.

You see, manifesting isn’t as most people would have you believe – it’s not a magic fairy-fucking Godmother or pumpkins at midnight.

It is faith, and working through your shit, changing your crappy habits and overhauling your thinking to co create with the universe. And part of co creating means learning how to manage the tougher bits of life.

The magic comes on the other side for sure and it’s always totally worth it.

If you’re looking for an amazing community, head to my FREE Facebook group Unashamedly Human with Emily Chadbourne which you can join here! You’ll also be interested to know that I have a hilarious You Tube channel full of awesome videos so go ahead and subscribe here. And for some next level hilarity follow me on Insta @unashamedlyhuman.

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Thank you very much for reading,

Em x



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