How To Heal (warning, do not read if you want to stay a victim of your circumstances)

I am sitting in one of those impossibly hipster cafes where nothing has ever touched an animal and the staff are trained to know precisely fuck all. I’m glad I’m spending half a month’s rent for this culinary experience. No really. Thrilled.

I order a drink while waiting for my friend to rock up. I have no idea what possessed me to do it but I figured when in Spain (I don’t really know what that phrase means) and so I ordered a drink that contained the following ingredients in no particular order.

A Star Is Born – and it was sad (not a movie review)

Last night, I went to the cinema with some friends to watch A Star Is Born. I had two reasons for wanting to see this film.

I hadn’t heard any film reviews, nor had I seen the three older movies of the same title.

I naively went into the movie theatre expecting a chick flick (whatever that means) and so was caught offside by the torrent of emotion that the film delivered. If you haven’t seen the film, it’s a lot.

Great. But a lot.

What To Do If You Fucking Hate Yoga

For years now I’ve tried to enjoy mainstream yoga. I want so much to be into it and bendy like my glorious friend Emily (yep, we’re both called Emily and it’s cute AF).

But the harsh reality is, if we were food stuffs ‘on the mat’ glorious Emily would be a pretzel and I’d be a cheese stick.

12 Lessons From A House Move (and life, basically)

Moving house SUCKS!

There. I said it.

I am surrounded by boxes full of shit I didn’t miss while it was in storage.

My back hurts from lifting said boxes of shit (and age. My back also hurts from age.)

I know where nothing is (it took me 20 minutes to find a tampon yesterday. They were in a box marked “stuff” so big thanks goes out to past Me for that one) and everything feels unfamiliar.

Now, let me be clear. I am supremely grateful for my new home and acknowledge how lucky and privileged I am. But moving house has thrown up some real lessons for me and today I’m going to share some of them with you. Do with them what you will. I trust they serve.

You Might Not Want To Read This (because you’ll agree)

I’m not a graceful exerciser. 

I don’t have much (any) eye hand coordination (much to the delight of my brother-in-laws) so as the room step-touches one way, I’m usually galloping the other way. I was also blessed with anti-rhythm (definition : when someone’s rhythm on the dance floor is so bad that it causes others to lose their ability to dance.)  

Yep, this girl just can’t keep a beat.  

Why Manifesting Is A Load Of Shit And How To Really Get What You Want From Life.

I used to think that manifesting was a load of wank. Some hippy woo-woo nonsense that some con-artists packaged up like a magic pill and sold to people who didn’t want to take charge of their own lives.  And I still believe this to some extent.

Manifested” a car park right outside the take-away Chinese? It’s called luck mate.

This Is Why Being Single Isn’t Completely Shit, Actually.

It’s a Saturday night and I’m at a party. Albeit, my Dad’s. It is the social highlight of my European summer and I say that without a hint of my trademark sarcasm.

Yep I’m 37, single and rocking out in the back garden of my family home where over a hundred of my Dad’s friends (the fact that my own Father has more mates than me both disturbs and delights me in equal measure) have been invited to enjoy an afternoon of homemade scones (because, BRITISH) and an evening hog roast (quiche and one raised eyebrow for the only vegetarian in the room).

As a parade of guest’s meander through the party, my sisters and I find ourselves air kissing and making small talk with a variety of people we haven’t seen for a variety of years.

How A Tray Almost Ruined My Holiday

Now, I’m not one to take life advice from a tray (although can we take a moment to appreciate how pretty I made it look with a baguette and flowers and shit).

In fact, these sorts of cutesy quotes on household objects usually shit me so it was with a snarl in my stare that I first noticed this tray in the kitchen of the house in France my family and I holidayed in last week.

How To Stop Overwhelm

A few weeks ago I spent an entire Wednesday eating pistachios because I was balls deep in my own overwhelm. Eventually, surrounded by empty shells and my own tears, I took it upon myself to write this blog in the hope that I spare you, dear reader the torment of your own procrastination (the number one symptom of overwhelm).

The following day, blog unfinished, I was wondering around the internet and I saw this quote which was cited to UNKNOWN AUTHOR.

So, in the interests of not wanting this little quote to feel abandoned and unloved, I’m claiming it as my own!