I'm not a graceful exerciser.
I don't have much (any) eye hand coordination (much to the delight of my brother-in-laws) so as the room step-touches one way, I'm usually galloping the other way. I was also blessed with anti-rhythm (definition : when someone's rhythm on the dance floor is so bad that it causes others to lose their ability to dance.)
Yep, this girl just can't keep a beat.
So when I'm at the gym, I generally ignore the loud obnoxious music, instead I focus all my energy on moving my body the way the instructor is and (hopefully) at the same time.
Yesterday though, for whatever reason I noticed that every song that was playing had a similar theme.
'He left me and so now I can’t love again.’
‘My teacher ate my candy so now I punch up hoes yo'
‘My hamster died so I went to the betting shop and now I have no money. Because of my hamster. Yo.'
***obviously not real lyrics***
It is so easy to blame 'forces beyond our control'.
And I know because until a couple of years ago, I was the Queen of doing so.
Nothing was my fault.
I was ‘trapped’ in my shitty waitressing job (which was like, totes mean right, because like, I had to pay for like, rent and like, bills and stuff.) Good one Em. Everyone has to pay rent and bills.
I was single because my ex ‘bailed’ (and now like, I’m all like broken and stuff and like, he ruined my life because he was honest about not loving me and stuff.) I mean, can you tell why he left?
I was broke because life gave me a ‘bad deal’ (and it’s just not fair right because Suzie has all this money right and like, it makes me feel bad right, and so like I’m just gonna buy myself a cheap dress from KMART to make myself feel a bit better and like, grab some wine because like, I totes deserve it because life isn’t fair.) And so I bounced drunkenly from paycheck to paycheck.
And so I sat and I waited for something or someone else to come along and change my life for me.
And of course, fuck all happened.
I just felt more and more disempowered and less and less in control.
By the time I was staring into the face of 34, it was all sounding pretty bleak.
There had to be another way.
So I started looking around at what other ‘successful’ people were doing.
How were they thinking?
What action did they take consistently?
What conversations were they having with themselves and others?
Turns out the common thread was responsibility.
They took full responsibility for their actions and non-actions.
They understood that sure sometimes shit stuff happens.
And yes, sometimes people do shitty things.
And sure, sometimes we can find ourselves in shitty circumstances.
But those who successfully navigate love, life and business change what they can and find the lesson in what they can’t.
Here it is in its simplest form.
Be at cause; create the life you want. Don't be at the effect of the life you don't.
How do we do this?
1. Understand you have choice.
I wasn’t trapped in my job. At any time I could have left but I told myself a bullshit story to a) feed my victimhood which I was secretly mainlining and b) to avoid doing the scary thing of believing in myself and doing something different. It was actually the easier option to stay in my shitty job.
2. Distinguish between responsibility and blame.
I’m not going to blame McDonald’s for making me fat. But I am going to take the responsibility for eating the burger. And the fries. And the thick shake. And yes I’ll supersize.
3. Chase wholeness not happiness.
Hugh Mackay sums it up way better than I ever could so I’ll leave this one to him.
Life isn’t meant to be all slushies at sunset.
Parts of life suck balls.
There’s no escaping that.
But if you change your perception, you change your reality.
Take responsibility and you have the power to change your whole world.
It was the first step I took and it changed my whole life.
If I can do it, anyone can.
If you’d like to learn more about how I do love, life and business head to my YouTube channel and if it’s community and free stuff you’re after, head to my Facebook Group That crazy Thing Called Life.
As for this blog, what did you think? Leave a comment and share away. If you loved it you can have these weekly writings sent straight to your inbox by asking right here.
Much love, Em x
A side note that I couldn’t quite make flow with this blog but I really wanted to say so I’m just casually tacking onto the end.
As I write this, I flick on the radio which is something I never do (unless I’m listening to Women’s Hour on Radio 4) but I want to have another listen to the type of music being pumped through the airwaves and into our subconscious minds.
Sure enough lyric after lyric of disempowering love song (Ed Shrien you do deserve this and no one completes you) or break up song (Taylor Swift I’m looking at you. Again.) not to mention the fear mongering news which seems to perpetuate hate and separation instead of love and unity and don’t get me started on advertising designed specifically to play on our fears of inadequacy (okay okay I’ll buy the face cream, heaven forbid I do the natural thing and get a fucking wrinkle, who will love me then?).
No wonder we’re fucking struggling!
Turn the radio off. Throw a Podcast on.
Select your news sources carefully. Think objectively.
Seek out the good in this world. More will appear.
Now pass me my that face cream!