Things I Wish I Knew Then (that I have to remind myself of now)

Things I Wish I Knew Then Last week, my phone and I fell out. The little fucker had done that thing where it worked perfectly in every way except one. The battery. Yep, seeing 100% battery on the screen meant as much as hearing your Tinder date say he’d definitely call you – a bunch of bullshit; an empty promise …

That Relationship You Can’t Get Out Of…

I kill things. All the time. As you walk into my house a dead Bonsai greats you. It’s been with me for years and I live in the deluded hop that one day it will magically resurrect itself. Pot plants don’t stand a chance in my house and even my childhood goldfish (I called her Felicity and I loved her …

Why Self-Care Is dangerous (this one’s punchy, even for me!)

It’s a Sunday morning and I’ve just tossed aside my phone with a kind of heaviness in my heart. It’s HASHTAG SELFCARE SUNDAY and I hate it. Pictures of baby-faced models with their caffeine and hemp infused face masks lying in luxurious baths full of yaks’ milk with their impossibly long legs kicking over the side in a whimsical fashion …

How To Win The Race Of Life (or at least not crash and burn too badly)

I’m just going to come out and say this. I’m not a massive fan of the horse. Now don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against horses and wish them, nor any other living creature harm. But I just never got the whole horse thing the way some teenage girls do (I had friends who would Gymkhana every weekend but all I wanted to so was sneak off with my best mate to smoke the Marlborough Lights she’d nicked from her Mum’s ciggie packet – I was not a nice teenager.)