A Month ago…

 

A month ago, I was running on the sand like a knob-head and buggered my ankle. I never run on sand and I don’t quite know what possessed me to do it. But I did. And now my ankle hurts.

I hobbled around for 3 weeks and then gave all of my money to an Osteopath and even though I can now jog short distances, I’m still using my recovering ankle as an excuse to jump in an Uber for even the shortest of trips (no shame!).

Last night, I jumped into the front seat of my Uber to travel 4 blocks (I told you, no shame) and started chatting away to the driver *insert standard Uber chat here*.

As we turned to take the route I had specifically asked not to take, Mr Uber Driver asked me the simplest question I have ever been asked.

He turned his head and looked me straight in the eye (eyes on the road buddy!) and said “are you enjoying your life?”.

Fuck. What a question!

I reflected on my week (little context drop – my relationship concluded last week – which is a term I heard Lisa Nichols use once and kinda like. But fuck, maybe I should just call it like it is – the gut wrenching heartache of breaking up!).

I’d spent the last week weeping more tears than I knew how to cry, limping (literally) through each day and reminding myself to fucking breathe on a minute by minute basis and all the while, trying to keep my shit together as a sole business owner in the wake of her Mum’s death 4 months ago.

So honestly Mr Uber driver? Am I enjoying my life right now? In this very second? Fuck no!

Except when I opened my mouth to speak, I heard myself say the word “Yes”.

This year (‘The Year Of The Cluster-Fuck’ as my mates are lovingly referring to it) has taught me one of the most exquisite lessons of my life so far.

That nothing is permanent.

And that life by its very nature exists in polarity.

Life and death.

Love and fear.

Day and night.

You get the gist!

To live, and I mean to really fucking take life by the balls and LIVE this life, we must accept that growth comes with contrast. Change is inevitable. Resisting it is painful.

Love will come. And it will change you.

Death will happen. And it will change you.

Life makes moves you don’t see. And it will change you.

But I am learning more and more that HOW I change, is up to me.

This year I have laughed harder than I thought I could, failed faster than ever before, dreamt bigger than I’ve ever dared, and cried more tears than I knew I had. But encompassing all of that, I have experienced more love, in more ways and to more extremes than I even knew existed.

And if that’s “life”, how can I not be enjoying it?

So Mr Uber Driver, to answer your question, am I enjoying my life?

Fuck yes. It’s just that today sucks balls! And sure, maybe right now all I’m capable of doing is jogging a couple of laps of the park before falling into an Uber home. But I know I’ll run again.

Because I always want to answer “Yes” to the question – “Are you enjoying your life?”